My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
