M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
