like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Holy sore nipples Batman
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
