ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
