M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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