dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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