If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
