just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
