Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
