Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
