I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
where are you?
Hypothermia
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
