"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
