so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
