just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
