are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
