Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
