At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You took a bar mat shot.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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