I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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