just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
