he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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