I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
