I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
