Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
