its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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