he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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