Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
