can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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