Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
