:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
