I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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