just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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