Nicole vs. Life
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
