His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
