I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
