im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
