I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
