Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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