She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
