yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
