So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
