he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
