I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
