Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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