Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
