did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
