I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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