Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
