so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
