Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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