shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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