Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
