I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
