We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
