once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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